Guy gets pulled over in his car by a pair of dudes in balaclavas, pointing guns in his face. Terrorist (menacing voice): "Are you a Catholic or a Protestant?" Driver, panicking, doesn't know which answer will save his life, has a bright idea. Driver: "Neither, actually. In fact I'm Jewish." Terrorist shouts to other terrorist: "Fucking hell Abdul, we've got one at last!"

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Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.

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Chuck Norris is the reason terrorists hide in caves.

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Q: What do you call a terrorist attack in the Middle East? A: A Selfie!

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Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.

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