Terrorists have hijacked a planeload of lawyers bound for a legal convention. They’ve threatened to start releasing the lawyers one by one until their demands are met.

Q: What's a terrorists favorite American football team? A: The New York Jets.

What to do if you fall into a conversation with someone about the terrorist attacks who doesn't believe in retaliation: 1. Engage in conversation, and ask if military force is appropriate. 2. When he says "No," ask, "Why not?" 3. Wait until he says something to the effect of "Because that would just cause more innocent deaths, which would be awful and we should not cause more violence." 4. When he's in mid sentence, punch him in the face as hard as you can. 5. When he gets back up to punch you, point out that it would be a mistake and contrary to his values to strike you, because that wou ... read more

My dad died on 9-11. He was the best amateur bomber on Iraq's flight team.

Q: What is the difference between an ISIS boot camp and a local school? A: How should I know? I just fly the drones.