An incompetent attorney can delay a trial for months or years. A competent attorney can delay one even longer.

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How do you make a group of lawyers to smile for a photo? Just say, "Fees."

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Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.

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Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.

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An airliner was having engine trouble, and the pilot instructed the cabin crew to have the passengers take their seats and get prepared for an emergency landing. A few minutes later, the pilot asked the flight attendants if everyone was buckled in and ready. “All set back here, Captain,” came the reply, “except the lawyers are still going around passing out business cards.”

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