Q: What is the ideal weight of a lawyer? A: About three pounds, including the urn.
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Why won't sharks attack lawyers? "Professional courtesy."
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NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go and couldn’t return to Earth. The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.” The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.” The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three mi ... read more
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To help someone before they commit a crime means you are their accomplice. To help someone after they commit a crime means you are their attorney.
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Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene? A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
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