Walking home after a girls' night out, two women pass a graveyard and stop to pee. The first woman has nothing to wipe with, so she uses her underwear and tosses it. Her friend, however, finds a ribbon on a wreath, so she uses that. The next day, the first woman's husband phones the second woman's husband, furious: "My wife came home last night without her panties!" "That's nothing," says the other. "Mine came back with a card stuck between her butt cheeks that said, 'From all of us at the fire station, we'll never forget you.'"

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: Because she couldn't find the 11

Yo' Mama is so nasty, she gave me an ear infection over the phone.

Why did the referee have such a high phone bill? Because he made to many calls!

Pavlov walks into a bar. The phone rings, and he says, "Damn, I forgot to feed the dog."