What's grosser than gross? A bloody mary with curly, brittle hairs in it!

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This morning as I was buttoning my shirt, a button fell off. After that, I picked up my briefcase, and the handle fell off. Then I went to open the door, and the doorknob fell off. I went to get into my car, and the door handle came off in my hand. Now I'm afraid to pee.

 170

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Q: What compliment do you NOT want from a midget? A: Wow! Your hair smells good!

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Why do women always fart only when they go to the bathroom? They have to blow dry—and there's nothing to shake.

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Q: What did the maxi pad say to the fart? A: You are the wind beneath my wings.

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