Schrödinger's cat walks into a bar and doesn't.

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Fred came home from his first day at school. "Nothing exciting happened", he told his mother, "Except the teacher didn't know how to spell cat so I told her."

 481

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Q: What has two legs and bleeds? A: Half a cat.

 417

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Q: What is a black cat's favorite color? A: Purrrrrr-ple!

 381

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A woman took her dog to the vet. She said, "I think my dog is dead". The doctor laid the dog on the table and reached down and took a cat out of a box. The cat walked all over the dog and the dog didn't move. "Yes, your dog is dead," says the doctor. "How much do I owe you?" the lady asks. "$345," says the doctor. "$345!!?" the lady asks. "Yes. $45 for the office visit and $300 for the cat scan."

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