Happy Father's Day to the top three most likely candidates.

 1581

0  

"You're single and I'm single too! You know what that means?" "What" "We're both ugly!"

 4598

1  

Just heard someone bragging about his one night stand. Whatever mate, I've got two night stands. Either side of my bed.

 1010

0  

5 stages of being single: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, texting your ex something random then going like "sorry wrong message".

 1516

1  

Q: What's the worst thing about being lonely? A: Playing Frisbee.

 6411

2