John is paying a visit to his Italian neighbor in the hospital, who just had a very serious traffic accident. He doesn't look like very much: in plaster, completely wrapped in a bandage, tons of hoses and infusions. He looks like a mummy. John tries to have a conversation, but his neighbor has his eyes closed and isn't responding. Suddenly his eyes jump wide open and he starts to gurgle and during his last gasp for air he says: "Mi stai bloccando il d'tubicino ossigeno, Pezzo di merda ...." John inscribes the words in his heart. At the funeral John tells the black-clad widow that he ... read more

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother, cause I still have mine"

A dick has a sad life. His hair's a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor's an asshole, his bestfriend's a pussy, and his owner beats him.

As I stand here, and try to piss, I think of the gal that gave me this. If I see her, when I get well, I'll get it again. As sure as Hell.

What is it? Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but doesn’t use it. Clinton uses his all the time. Bush is one. Mickey Mouse has an unusual one. Liberace never used his on women. Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his. Cher claims that she took on 3. We never saw Lucy use Desi’s. What is it? The answer is: "A Last Name..." You didn’t think I’d tell you a dirty joke, did you?