A man says to his wife, "I fancy kinky sex, how about I blow my load in your ear?" The wife hastily replies, "No, I might go deaf!" To which the man replies, "I've been shooting my love wads in your mouth for the last 20 years and you're still fucking talking aren't you?"

A Mom is driving a little girl to her friends house for a play date. "Mommy," the little girl asks, "How old are you?" "Honey, you are not supposed to ask a lady her age," the mother warns. "It is not polite." "OK," the little girl says, "How much do you weigh?" "Now really," the mother says, "These are personal questions and are really none of your business." Undaunted, the little girl asks, "Why did you and daddy get a divorce?" "Those are enough questions, honestly!" The exasperated mother walks away as the two friends begin to play. "My Mom wouldn't tell me anything," the little ... read more

Dad shouts: "Stop watching porn, I can hear it in my room!" Son: "Dad.. I'm not watching porn, that is Maria Sharapova playing Tennis!"

Man, to woman, ‘Am I the first man you ever made love to?’ Woman, ‘You might be. Now you come to mention it, your face does look familiar.’

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.