Two students talk: "What are you reading?" "Quantum physics theory book." "But why are you reading it upside-down?" "It makes no difference anyway."
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Q: Why accountants don't read novels? A: Because the only numbers in them are page numbers.
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Helium walks into a bar. The bartender says "We don't serve noble gasses in here." Helium doesn't react.
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1  

Q: What did the elf say was the first step in using a Christmas computer? A: "First, YULE LOGon"!
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0  

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist? A: If you can't helium, and you can't curium, then you might as well barium.
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