Three guys, stranded on a desert island, find a magic lantern containing a genie, who grants them each one wish. The first guy wishes he was off the island and back home. The second guy wishes the same. The third guy says "I’m lonely. I wish my friends were back here."

 1997

0  

(A) You are not Tom Cruise, (B) The guns may stop working at the last moment, (C) The Enemy is 1000 times intelligent than you, (D) Your family might not like the amount of compensation on your behalf (E) Just remember, "the safest way to win over your enemies is by making them your friends!"

 844

2  

When my daughter asked me what to buy her friends for graduation presents. I suggested morning-after pills and bus passes.

 1377

0  

Two friends talk: "Hi, what are you doing?" "Not much, writing a Valentine's Day greeting card." "Why are you writing it with your left hand? Are you left-handed?" "No, I just can't let my right hand to see it. It's a surprise for it."

 1273

0  

"What shall we play today?" said Florence to her best friend Jenny. "Let's play schools," said Jenny. "OK!" said Florence. "But I'm going to be absent."

 660

1