Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death, he beats it fair and square.
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When Chuck Norris plays hangman, he decides what the word is.
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Someone just knocked on the door selling raffle tickets for poor black orphans. I said "Fuck that, with my luck I'd probably win one."
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Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?" Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."
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What are cows favorite party games? MOO-sical chairs.
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