If Santa comes down the chimney this year and tries to stuff you in his sack, don't worry, because I wished for you for Christmas.

 2602

1  

This woman walks into a tattoo parlor and asks for a tattoo of a christmas tree on her right inner thigh and a cocktail drink on her left inner thigh. The tatoo artist say thats an unusual request. "Why do you want two tattoos there?" So she says "Because my husband needs to eat between christmas and new years."

 1394

0  

Yo mama so ugly when Santa came down the chimney he said ho! ho! hoooollly shit!

 1623

0  

Yo mama is so fat that it's still printing her picture she took during her last Christmas.

 534

0  

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his lungs. "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO..." "I PRAY FOR A NEW STEREO..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"

 618

0