If you`re texting two people at the same time, you are bitextual.

 779

0  

I’m spread before I’m eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I? “Peanut Butter”.

 839

0  

Me: "Why am I still single?" Brain: "You're weird as shit." Body: "And you're fat." Face: "Plus you're ugly." Food: "But I'm here for you."

 725

0  

I hate sitting in a seat warmed by someone else..

 812

0  

Your lips are like wine & I wanna get drunk.

 811

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